Yet again...

I always have things come across my mind that want to document, but when I set down to write them I forget. Story of my life. But Dan has left me yet again for the weekend, another conference. It is odd when he is gone, only because it is not that odd. Does that make sense? Our lives (like everyone else) are crazy, and we don't have a whole lot of time together ALL together. Dan is in the process of job shopping. I cannot even begin to describe in words how horribly scarey this is. It seems like the orthodontic market in the last few years has somewhat slowed, not as many options out there are we thought. After so many years of school it saddens me that Dan has worked so hard and now will have to work hard to find a decent job. I have faith, I am an emotional wreck all the time, but I keep that faith. Heavenly Father has helped me through things, and in the end he will pull through for us.

I decided these last few weeks, that my self esteem has really taken a blow. All I worry about it, getting skinny, keeping my kids happy, keeping my grades up, making my house spotless. But Y? Mostly because I look at others and judge myself. I have kinda revamped. I am trying to keep the attitude that I need to try my hardest and if it wasn't good enough that day, than I know I did my best and I can try again tommorro, no regrets! Women have it hard, no I am not a feminist, but we do have it harder than men. I think more so for mothers. There are a lot of fingers pointing at mothers, saying they need to do this and that. Pretty much they need to save the world. Well some women may have that motivation, but me.... well I just feel bad that I am not as good as a mom as the next woman. Media and Mormon culture can be brutal on women. Well....so what....I am not going to let it get to me. I am going to try my hardest to not let it affect me AND to never make any other woman ever feel that way! I am going to use my time wisely. I am trying everyday to better myself and my family. That way at the end of they day, I have tried my best and cannot feel guilty that woman down the street is a better mother than me! It sounds like a easy concept but it really is not, but I have been trying it and feeling better, feeling happier, feeling more fulfilled.

Hayden got yet another hair cut. Poor guy sat there for an hour playing on my ipod, moving his head this way and that while I snipped away at his hair. SO much cuter, I have to give myself props....while not a pro, I am definitely getting better! Hayden is mom's little buddy. He is learning so much everyday and asking so many questions. He is dead set on marrying his sister. I actually talked him into marry Hadley's friend Ava(Ava has a baby brother Tanner.) Hayden said, "Okay mom, I will Marry Ava in the Temple and will have a baby tanner!" He loves Primary! The first time he went was the only time he struggled. Now instead of me asking him what he learned in primary he runs to me and starts jabbering away about the holy ghost or saying your prayers, etc. Periodically throughout the day Hayden will come wineing to me about how Hadley is NOT choosing the right. He loves watching the nature shows with Dad at night when mom is at school. He also has become very sensitive to things on the TV, freaking out in any part of a show that gets dark or the music becomes more intense. Which so many little kids movies have. The last few grocery store trips the grocery cart is a train and apparently mom is a crazy train driver, and don't forget your tickets for the train or you will get an ear full! I feel like we have finally gotten out of those horrible tantrums stage(oh, we still have tantrums just not NEARLY as often and mostly they can be talked through) and into more understanding and explaining of things. I love that he is so interested in his little sister, he always wants to involve Kylee and he likes to talk for her. So when mom is jabbering baby talk to Kylee he will add in "Mom.... I think she says yes." I think I could go on and on about this boy. He has had a complete transformation from a toddler. He is more out going and interested in everything. Dan and I are enjoying this stage with Hayden.

Final Hair cut

Hadley is my little struggle right now. Of course I love her, but is now in that tantrum stage. If you approach anything in the wrong way there is a very good change you get a reaction of falling to the floor, bawling and screaming for mommy! She has stopped sucking her thumb, except on occasions. She has caught on to mommy's road rage and randomly starts screaming at cars "go cars GO!" than when they start to move..."Mommy, that car did it, that car GO mommy!" Did I mention that Mommy has to be mentioned about 200 times in every sentence. She can be quite the perfectionist. If there is a little spot on the floor, she will go off "oh, no mommy, that dirty mommy, that poop mommy, that bug mommy...." until I say no Hadley its just dirty go get a rag and wipe it up. She will proceed with the rage and say " I did it Mommy!" She caught onto Potty training crazy fast ( I guess I am comparing her to Hayden) She practically potty trained herself, but she has a really hard time with relaxing and going #2. I get frustrated with her because she is on and off the potty ten million times when she has to go #2 but I am learning to go easy on her when she has an accident. She is a mommy's girl through and through. Hadley is so special to me, she always has. She is very concerned about her sister and loves to tickle and pinch her checks.Hadley has now grown attached to her blankets, but can be talked into leaving them in bed. She is adimit that she does NOT like the new SUPER cute blanket grandma made her for Christmas. But I keep trying to sneak it on her in her sleep! She loves getting her nails painted (I now know how to get finger nail polish out of carpet :)! ) She always yells at me when I am doing her hair, even if I am just pretending to do her hair. She has wild crazy curls that I have no idea what to do with. Hadley goes down with no resistance for naps. But eats almost nothing for breakfast and dinner. Oh, and she loves to bite her brother. I have tried everything thing to get her to stop, for a week straight Hayden would receive a new bruise everyday from a Hadley bite. I have tried a new direction of discipline and we are 2 days with no bite, please let this last. If it is princess anything this girl will be happy!



Kylee is growing up quick. She has started sucking her thumb ALL the time. It is wonderful at night, but if you lay her down during the day she will find her thumb and put herself to sleep before you even know it. I think she is also getting more fussy during the day because she thinks she needs to be sucking on something all the time. She loves being held and puts up with her sister pinching her cheeks and pulling her arms around to hold hands all the time. She is liking her car seat less and less everyday. She can be fussing and hear the sound of water running and hush right up and frantically kick her legs in excitement for a bath. She is still such a good baby, even with some fussiness. We love her and the special bond she brings to our family.